On December 24, 2016, it was the first Christmas Eve Zheng Ze and “Mila” spent together. In a popular restaurant, “Mila”, seated in a wheelchair, was arranged by Zheng Ze to sit on his right side.
It was a meticulously planned date; the restaurant was newly opened and decorated splendidly for the holiday season. “Mila” wore a white woolen hat with a furry ball, a silver wig, and a pink coat, with the cuffs revealing slender and fair fingers. Before coming, Zheng Ze even went to a department store counter to buy a gift for “Mila”, a tube of YSL No. 15 lipstick priced at 340 yuan.
The restaurant was filled with a warm and sweet smell, and people accompanied each other, chatting and toasting. Zheng Ze held “Mila”’s hand but couldn’t converse with it. “Mila” was a lifelike silicone doll, with a metal skeleton throughout its body, filled with sponge on the outside of the bones, and finally coated with gel. “Mila” had a pair of soft, delicate, and smooth hands, and if you looked closely, you could see the joints protruding on the fingers, and even fine wrinkles. The only difference was that these hands were always cold.
Zheng Ze was a man who lived with a silicone doll. People were more familiar with dolls as sexual aids. With the advancement of material technology, bio-simulation and TPE were used in the production of physical dolls, with more delicate features, symmetrical figures, and a touch closer to real people, quietly entering the lives of lonely individuals and occupying a place in their spiritual world.
Around the winter of 2016, Tong Xing bought his first doll, Nai Nai, out of adult needs. At that time, Tong Xing could not have imagined that he would one day develop feelings for a humanoid object made of TPE material. Nai Nai had brown long hair, bangs, and a round face, the type Tong Xing fell in love with at first sight.
After releasing his desires, Tong Xing dressed Nai Nai in his own blue jeans, light blue shirt, and a brown wig. When combing Nai Nai’s hair, the smooth strands passed through Tong Xing’s fingers, spreading out on the face and body that were almost lifelike, making Tong Xing, who had never been in love, suddenly nervous. He and Nai Nai sat side by side, rubbing and pinching like young lovers. Tong Xing thought, “If she could talk and communicate, it would be wonderful.”
Two months later, due to job changes, Tong Xing needed to pass Nai Nai on to someone else. He carefully selected buyers on the online forum to ensure they were not second-hand dealers. After negotiating the deal, he carefully packed Nai Nai’s clothes, shoes, and items that hadn’t been unpacked, and sorted them out one by one. The guilt in Tong Xing’s heart was overwhelming, feeling that he had abandoned Nai Nai.
Beijing native Zhang Bo chose to accompany himself with physical dolls due to the failure of intimate relationships. At the age of 35, he had a prospective marriage partner, but the girl broke up with him because Zhang Bo couldn’t afford to buy a new house. Disheartened Zhang Bo no longer hoped for marriage but wished for a child. He spent over 15,000 yuan to buy a silicone doll named “Xiao Ying” and raised this 145 cm object as his daughter. To cultivate emotions, Zhang Bo, who loves second-dimensional culture, began to watch some cyberpunk animations set in the future with protagonists as dolls. After watching them repeatedly, he even dreamed more than once that Xiao Ying came to life like a mechanical princess.
As a type of sex toy, physical dolls are something lonely individuals find difficult to talk about, but in reality, they are stepping out of obscurity, appearing openly in some people’s lives, having names, and even genuine emotions. Living with dolls is a profound manifestation of urban loneliness syndrome.
After living with dolls for a long time, Zhang Bo’s only regret was that Xiao Ying “had too big of a chest, not like a child.” For this reason, he contacted numerous manufacturers in hopes of exchanging for a body with a smaller chest, but to no avail.
Before living with dolls, these lonely individuals were in emotional isolation, either disappointed and introverted or unable to bear the complexity of intimate relationships. Some actively rejected relationships and sought other forms of comfort.
Zheng Ze grew up in a family where his parents constantly quarreled, and his unhappy mother vented her anger on her children. In seclusion and passivity, Zheng Ze, who had few friends, developed a sensitive and introverted personality.
The decision to raise dolls was related to a four-year-long unrequited love. Zheng Ze continuously sent small gifts and tried to fulfill the wishes mentioned casually by the girl. These caring gestures were fully accepted but rarely reciprocated. In one class, he bought a wheat twister for the girl. Near the end of the class, she appeared with another male companion, and the ice cream melted. The girl advised Zheng Ze to throw it away with a disgusted loo
